Four Pieces by Nicholas Gunter

How long has it been

Since I felt the sun upon my skin

Since I saw a face, other than yours

Since I got too breath air that wasn't stale and old

Without anything to reflect on 

I've forgotten what my own face looks like

I've forgotten what a proper smile looks like. 

(After all the only one I see is your insane grin)

I've forgotten what living was like.

Ever since we got here

I've tried to help us both remain ourselves

You've become somebody else

You started acting like a new person, can't you see that you're  I  N  S  A  N  E

You couldn't see that what you're doing isn't you?

I would've thought that you would try to remain yourself. But the second you got here you became someone else. Can't you see that it's  I  N  S  A  N  I  T  Y

Ever since you got here

You started making your banana pancakes

You started pretending that it was ok

You devolved into  I  N  S  A  N  I  T  Y

I've tried to bring you back

but you're too far gone

but you fought me at every step

but this house has corrupted you

Can't you see? 

Can't you see that it's  I  N  S  A  N  E?

Can't you see that you're  I  N  S  A  N  E?

Can't you see?

Durin

On a hill stood a castle, it was small and poorly made, some of the damaged stone structure had been replaced with little bits of mud and at this point it was more mud than stone. Outside of the castle walls stood a large city, encased in even larger walls. The city itself, despite calling itself a city more resembled a low-income town, buildings layered atop one another, with thin winding streets connecting them all. The people who walked down the streets were not those you would expect to find in the capital of one of the larger kingdoms in the world, instead the people were sickly and thin. Their faces, gaunt and unhappy perfectly matched the surrounding area, caked with dirt and lifeless. No trees grew in Durin, along with no crops, or any plants for that matter, the land had been to infertile to support plant life for centuries. Just outside the walls surrounding the city stood an army, their faces sharp and their weapons sharper. The army, along with the infertility, had been there for centuries, always hindering the city's growth or expansion. Both the army outside the walls and the kingdom's army had been fighting for centuries, neither gaining any ground over the ages. They stood in an eternal stalemate, neither willing to give up.

Inside the walls of the city, the people, never having lived without the war outside, both lived in constant fear, and without any at all. Unable to truly contemplate the scale of the danger they were in, they went on with their lives. You would rarely find an adult male inside the walls as any and all were forced into fighting as soon as they'd come of age, and so it wasn't uncommon to see women in jobs that traditionally they would've been forbidden from working. This however, despite seeming very progressive was exactly the opposite, as you could find political figures, (The only men not forced to fight in the war) chastising and abusing women for supposedly not doing a good enough job, purely because they were women. Because of this all over the streets you could find the decomposed corpses of old political figures that were murdered by the poor girl they were yelling at.

Outside the city walls soldiers were being replaced like ants. The soldiers kill one or two opposing soldiers and then get killed, before they are replaced, rinse and repeat. People on the battlefield knew that after a few seconds they were dead men, why? Why not just escape the draft and hide? Some did. Oftentimes when male babies were born their mothers would hide them in cellars or cupboards and just pretend that no child was born at all. After a few years, the child would be allowed in public, only being allowed to wear more traditionally feminine clothes, this continued until the child reached puberty when they were promptly hidden again and explained as dead.

At the center of the city stood a statue of the city's (and the kingdom's) founder, King Damin, around the statue was the town square, however it was less of a square and more a misshapen dodecagon. What little livelihood was left in the city was here, this is where any and all important events were held, weddings, speeches and plays were all held here. All of these events however, were few and far between and few people had the energy to execute them. Civilians would often attempt to escape Durin, whether it be for sanctity or wealth, however the second they left the city walls they would be shot by an archer. The person shot would usually not have a funeral because nobody in the town except for nobles had enough money to afford one.

Peace

I walk in shapes and patterns 

Death is in my hands but I can only find peace 

The green on my fingers feeling of oil

A life sits on my fingers and walks on my hand

Speckled with black points and red shine

It falls off but it doesn’t die, it keeps going

If you cut your arm off and the blood drains from the wound, 

Are you still there? 

Are you still you?

Is that arm still you? 

Have you lost a part of who you are?

Has that arm lost its humanity because it lost you?

If you cut off your legs and leave them with your arm,

Are you still there?

Are you still you?

If you cut off your head and leave it with your limbs, 

Is the head still you? 

Is the brain still you?

How much of the parts have to be there for you to be you

Is it your whole body? 

or just your mind?

If you get spread so thin that you're atoms, spread across miles.

Is each atom you?

Or are you not you.

If you die and you let your body rot away too a skeleton,

Are the bones still you? 

Or did "you" leave with your flesh?

Are you your parts?

Are you all of you?

Or are you just a concept, just the sum of your thoughts and emotions? 

I lie in a field full of lives,

Each one of cultivated from pain

And it’s beautiful.

On Changing

I would like to thank you all for joining us here today as we „celebrate“ the life of that thing. 

You said I never changed, but I have.

I changed more than you ever could imagine in your ant sized brain.

You said I never changed, but I have.

I changed in ways you never could,

as your heart and brain are made of pumice, as they are vulcanic, light, and worthless.

You said I never changed, but I have.

I changed in important ways, in ways you never could, as you are a cold, unchanging, hypocritical, Asshole.

You said I never changed but I have,

I've grown more than you ever could, or ever did. Or ever would want to.

I HAVE changed, and I'm sick and fucking tired of you having said that I haven't.